Co-parenting, or shared parenting means that the child spending a significant proportion of their time with each parent. But it doesn’t mean they have to spend equal time with each parent, or that the proportions need to fixed and inflexible.

If children only spend a limited amount of time with their non-resident parent, such as a fortnightly visit with some time around holidays, this is not considered shared parenting. Parents with so little active parenting time cannot be effectively involved in important decisions.

Co-parenting is not just for a short time in a child’s life. It refers to a childhood-long co-parenting plan. Co-parents should review the plan periodically and adapt it to fit a child’s emotional and physical needs as they grow.

We have created some helpful and achievable objectives for both parents to aim for when co-parenting:

• Children feel that they have two involved parents.
• Both parents have broadly equal ‘moral authority’ in the eyes of the children. Children feel they can freely approach either parent about issues in their lives.
• Children are able to share the full experience of their lives with both their parents – for example not spending all ‘routine time’ with one parent and only ‘leisure time’ with the other.
• Parents are in a position of legal and moral equality on both routine and serious issues affecting the children. They are seen in this light by the children as well as friends, neighbours, teachers and public authorities.
• There is no part of the children’s lives – for example their school life, friends, or hobbies – that one parent is excluded from by the way parenting time and duties are split.

Achieving these objectives will take discussion and negotiation, taking into account the individual needs and wishes of the children and parents. At this stage, it would be helpful to create a co-parenting plan to help both parents to work together in the children’s best interests.

Having both parents actively participate in their child’s life be positive for on both children and parents.

Children who have regular contact with both parents may have better emotional wellbeing and a stronger sense of belonging. It gives them a stronger relationship with both parents, which can help to increase trust, communication and support. It can also contribute to their social and emotional development in children. Each parent can bring different qualities and expose the children to different life experiences.

For parents, co-parenting can help lighten the load of raising children. It can help reduce stress and parental burnout as both parents are sharing responsibilities. It can also help develop stronger bonds with the children, leading to happier relationships.

• If children only spend weekends with the non-resident parent, maybe that parent can pick the children up from school or drop them off after the weekend. This helps the non-resident parent be more involved in school life, and meet teachers and other parents.
• Try to make sure both parents are involved in homework, play dates, hobbies, clubs and so on.
• Work together to create a plan for school holidays, festive seasons and other special days. Taking turns and sharing the day is really important so both parents can be involved.
• If one parent has time constraints that restrict their availability, try to work together to find a way to meet everyone’s needs.
• Try to encourage contact time with wider family members such as grandparents on both sides – this is something that can be included in a co-parenting plan.

We have a free online parenting course on co-parenting after a divorce or separation. Our free course covers the impact of separation, communication, resident and non-resident parents and self-care and managing new relationships. Sign up for our free online co-parenting course.

Open communication, flexibility, and a focus on making it work for the children’s best interests is important. You may find it helpful to read the factsheet from Both Parents Matter for more information.

This article is kindly provided by Both Parents Matter, a UK charity that offers information and assistance to separated parents, regardless of marital status or gender.