It’s easy for parents to feel ‘redundant’ when parenting teens, but it’s important to remember that they still need you – just in a different way. Teenagers still want to spend time with their parents. It may seem as though they’d always rather be with their friend, on their phones, gaming and so on. But teenagers also still value family time. 

Teens are developing their independence and sense of identity, but a close relationship with their parents is still a crucial foundation for them to go out in the world with a strong sense of confidence and self-esteem. 

Being a teenager can bring many challenges, from puberty and relationships to friends and school, to social media and the online world. It’s really important that they feel you are someone they can rely on and turn to when something is troubling them. 

As children get older it can become increasingly difficult to know what is going on in their lives and harder to stay close to them. Spending some quality time with teens might mean you have to make an appointment in their very busy social diaries. You might have to be a little bit creative, or perhaps even push your own boundaries. Here are some ideas you could try in your own family: 

• Arrange a movie night where you can all sit down as a family. If you can do this once a week you can give each member of the family a chance to pick a film.
• Take it in turns to cook a meal. Give your teens a chance to show you what they can do in the kitchen and take a back seat and chill out.
• If you have a gamer in the house, how about having a go at playing with them? Teens often find it hilarious to see how shockingly bad their parents are at gaming!
• Get active as a family – Go for a bike ride, a walk or a run, swimming or playing sports.
• If your teen wants to get creative, help them decorate their bedroom. It doesn’t need to be expensive but allow them to lead on this.
• You could arrange a games night by bringing out the board games, card games, quizzes or complete an online challenge game together.
• Make an effort to all eat together as a family, even if that can be difficult with everyone’s schedules. Make it a phone-free time (that includes for you, as well as for the teens!) and give everyone a chance to chat and catch up about their days.

One of the ways we meet our teenager’s needs as parents is by giving them attention. This is as true of teenagers as it is of children. Giving our teen helpful attention helps us to develop close and co-operative relationships with them and builds their confidence, resilience and self-esteem. It’s a way of showing that we care and that they matter. Helpful attention means: 

• Enjoying and being interested in who they are and what they’re doing
• Being responsive – listening to them when they want to talk, even when it might be inconvenient
• Being guided by the young person rather than always taking charge and imposing our will on them (although sometimes this is necessary, for instance in situations involving safety)
• Take an interest in who they are at this moment. Don’t quiz or interrogate them – but ask open questions about their interests and what is going on in their lives, and accept them without judgement.

This article was reviewed by Jeremy Todd, Chief Executive.