Child contact arrangements are also sometimes called child contact or child custody. Contact arrangements are the agreement between co-parents about where the children will live, how much time the children will spend with each parent and financial support.

Well-planned child arrangements can:

• Provide stability and routine
• Help children feel safe and secure
• Reduce uncertainty and anxiety
• Allow meaningful relationships with both parents to continue
• Minimise conflict and issues between parents
• Support children’s emotional, social and educational development

Making realistic commitments is often better than making promises that cannot be kept.

It is understandable for separated parents to experience strong emotions. Children benefit most when parents can put their differences aside and focus on what is best for them. When making contact arrangements, consider:

• Your child’s age, emotional wellbeing and developmental needs
• Their daily routines, education and friendships
• Important family relationships
• Practical considerations such as travel and childcare
• Their wishes and feelings where appropriate

Children should never feel responsible for making decisions between their parents or feel pressured to choose sides.

Keeping to agreed arrangements is extremely important for children. Regular contact helps them maintain strong emotional bonds and provides reassurance that both parents remain committed to them. Maintaining positive and consistent relationships with both parents can help children adjust to their new family circumstances.

Repeatedly cancelling visits, arriving late or breaking promises can have a significant impact on a child’s confidence and emotional wellbeing. Children may:

• Feel disappointed or rejected
• Blame themselves for missed contact
• Feel insecure about the relationship
• Become anxious about future arrangements

If circumstances mean that contact has to be rearranged, parents should provide as much notice as possible and communicate respectfully with one another. Children cope better with separation when parents communicate respectfully and focus on their needs rather than past relationship difficulties.

If your child is reluctant to visit the other parent, it’s important to try and find out why. Something may have happened to make your child feel scared to leave, such as:

• Changes within either household.
• New relationships.
• Family conflict.
• Problems at school.
• Friendship difficulties.
• Anxiety about transitions between homes.
• An upsetting incident during a previous visit.

Try to find a quiet time and encourage them to open up about any worries they may have. Avoid placing pressure on the child and actively listen to what they have to say. They may need some reassurance, so open and supportive conversations can often help identify and resolve any worries they have.

In most situations, children benefit from having positive relationships with both parents after separation. Parents can support this by:

• Speaking respectfully about the other parent
• Encouraging children to enjoy time with both households
• Avoiding arguments during handovers
• Not using children to pass messages
• Avoiding questions that place children in the middle of parental disputes

It is important to view the time your children spend with the other parent as a positive. You may no longer be partners, but you are forever parents. When your children are with the other parent, your home may seem very quiet so try to make the most of the time by catching up with friends or doing something for yourself.

A co-parenting plan can help by creating a clear road map for important decisions about your children’s life. It is a voluntary, informal written agreement which can help you work together by focusing on important practical issues relating to your children.

Having a plan could help to reduce any conflict and may help to avoid a legal route if both parties work together. It can cover the following:

• Where the child lives and how much time they spend with the other parent
• Contact in between visits
• Financial support
• School life and health decisions
• Travel plans
• How you can adapt the plan as things change

You can create your own plan but there are also parenting plan templates available online, which can help guide you through the process. Read more with our advice on creating a co-parenting plan.

If you and the other parent have come to an agreement and created a co-parenting plan, you can draft a consent order to make this a legally binding agreement. A consent order is a legal document that confirms your agreement and has details on where the child will live, when they spend time with the non-resident parent and what other types of contact that can take place such as calls, etc. Both parents will have to sign the draft consent order and you will need to get this approved by the court and a legal advisor can help with this process.

Where an agreement cannot be reached, an application can be made to the Family Court for a Child Arrangements Order. The court’s primary concern will always be the welfare and best interests of the child. The court may consider:

• The child’s wishes and feelings
• Their emotional and physical needs
• Any safeguarding concerns
• The ability of each parent to meet the child’s needs
• The likely impact of changes to existing arrangements

Parents are generally expected to consider mediation before applying to court unless specific exemptions apply, such as if there has been domestic abuse in the relationship or family.

A Child Contact Centre can provide a safe, neutral environment where children can spend time with a parent or where handovers can take place without direct parental contact.

These services may be useful when:

• Communication between parents is difficult.
• There are concerns about conflict during handovers.
• Supervised contact is required.
• Families are rebuilding relationships after a period of separation.

Contact centres are staffed by trained volunteers and professionals who help ensure that children can maintain family relationships in a safe and supportive setting. The National Association of Child Contact Centres has a helpful guide to help you make the right decision for your children.

CAFCASS have some helpful information on making arrangements, going to court and more.

Read this guidance with forms and fee information from GOV.UK.

Coram Child Law Advice have lots of guidance on contact, court process and much more.

You may find it helpful to visit the National Family Mediation website.

We have a free online parenting course on co-parenting after a divorce or separation with four modules.