Intense emotions are normal in the teenage years, as young people go through rapid physical, hormonal and social changes.   

It can help to think of your teen’s anger as being a bit like childhood tantrums when they were young – as a response to being flooded with emotions that they are not able to handle. In this state, they can’t think straight or listen to reason.  

They need to get their feelings out safely and reach a calmer state before they are ready to sort out the problem rationally. 

Although your teen’s anger will often be directed at you, there may be other causes. If they are going through things like stress at school or friendship issues, they may take this out on their parents. 

Just like other emotions, anger is perfectly natural, and it is neither right nor wrong to feel angry. But it can be tough for parents to see their child angry. And it is a problem if the anger is expressed in ways that are hurtful, scary or destructive. 

Read more about what to do if your teen is aggressive or violent. 

Anger can be a response to unmet needs and other negative feelings such as sadness, hopelessness or loneliness. It can be a warning sign that there’s a problem, or something needs to change. So, it’s important to pay attention to your teen’s anger and look for underlying causes. 

Feeling angry and not expressing it can make people feel powerless and helpless, and even have a physical impact on health and wellbeing. It’s important for your teen to be able to express their anger in safe and healthy ways. 

• Stay calm – If you become angry as well, it’s easy for things to escalate and conflicts to get worse. 

• Try not to take it personally – remember that being a teenager is tough and they may be going through other issues. 

• Approach things with empathy – Make it your goal to understand them rather than to win the argument or make them behave. 

• Listen to the tune, not the words – If they say “I hate you!”, you might hear “I’m really upset and I’m struggling to deal with things.” 

• Name the emotion – For example, “you sound really frustrated”, or “It sounds as if you’re feeling scared.” This helps them feel heard and understand their own feelings. 

• Set boundaries on behaviour, not feelings – Remember not to criticise or invalidate their feeling of anger, even if their ways of expressing it are not acceptable. 

• Address things when calmer – Your teen is not capable of thinking rationally when overwhelmed with emotions. You may need to come back to the issue when the storm has passed. 

During an angry outburst, your priority should be on making them feel heard, and helping them to calm down and emotionally regulate (as long as it is safe for you to do so.) 

But once they are calmer, you can have a discussion with them about how to express their anger in safe and healthy ways. 

Start by acknowledging the painful and strong feelings they were having. Help them work out what they were feeling and what they might have needed. Work with them to come up with strategies and tools, rather than telling them what to do. 

For example, you might say, ‘I’d like you to find a way of dealing with this without shouting at me or slamming doors. What do you think would help you?’ 

Understanding your teenager’s feelings and needs and the reasons behind the behaviour is not the same as accepting the behaviour.

To learn more tools and strategies for dealing with teen anger, you can register for one of our free self-guided online parenting courses. 

• Parenting Teens 

• Challenging Behaviour in Teens

This page was reviewed by Rosemary Spillman, Head of National Services. Last reviewed 25 June 2026.