If you find out your teenager has been stealing, it’s completely natural to feel worried, upset, or even angry. Taking time to understand what might be driving this behaviour can help you respond calmly and find positive ways to address and change it. Some of the reasons your teen may be stealing could include:

To fit in
Peer pressure is behind a lot of the behaviour seen in teenagers, and wanting the latest gadget or new clothes, can drive them to use any means to get what they want.

For attention
Sometimes even negative attention can seem better than none at all. When you notice your money is missing, and the attention is on them, whether they own up to it or lie, it may be a cry for help.

Risky behaviour
There is a possibility that your teen wants the money for something that they shouldn’t be having. Alcohol, drugs, vapes and cigarettes are expensive, and they can’t exactly ask you for the money as that would cause unwanted and difficult questions.

Too embarrassed or anxious to ask
Condoms, emergency contraception, pregnancy kits, creams for rashes in sensitive places, and being too embarrassed to go to a clinic or GP might mean they will need money to buy these things. Asking you for the money and risking all the questions, is just adding to their worries.

Just for the thrill
Sometimes the fun is in knowing that they’re doing something wrong and getting away with it.

To manage this behaviour in teenagers, stay calm and use the situation as an opportunity to guide and teach them.

• Open communication: Talk openly with your teen to understand what led to the behaviour
• Explain why it’s wrong: Clearly outline why stealing is unacceptable, including legal implications and the impact on trust
• Set clear boundaries: Establish firm, consistent expectations around behaviour and discuss why you are setting further boundaries
• Encourage accountability: Support your teen in taking responsibility, such as returning items or apologising
• Understand underlying causes: Look for possible influences like peer pressure or unmet emotional needs

Let your teen know that although their behaviour was not okay, you still care about them and are willing to give them opportunities to regain your trust through honest and responsible actions.

Notice and acknowledge when your teen makes good choices, behaves honestly, or takes responsibility, so they feel encouraged to continue those behaviours. This helps your teen feel supported and motivated to change, rather than defined by their mistake.

Your teen may be lying for a variety of reasons, from pushing boundaries to dealing with underlying worries or pressures. As a parent, taking the time to understand what’s behind this behaviour can help you respond more effectively. By finding ways to manage these challenges, you can feel more confident in addressing the situation and supporting your teen in a positive, constructive way. Some of the reasons your teen may be lying could include:

Stop you from nagging them
They might feel that you are happier when things are going well for them and would rather avoid a lecture or have more boundaries restricting them.

Protect themselves
You may want an honest answer about what they are doing, but they may be worried about your reaction if they tell you the truth.

Get attention
Lying about feeling ill, or exaggerating an achievement at school, can get them lots of attention and this can boost their confidence, even though it’s not for real.

Avoid getting into trouble
If your teen has done something they know is wrong, they may lie to cover it up to avoid the consequences of their actions.

Get their own back on someone
A friend or classmate may have done something to upset them. By exacting some kind or revenge such as making up lies about someone, they may feel they’ve evened the score.

Push boundaries
You’ve set boundaries on what they can and can’t do, where they can go and what time to be home by. Chances are, they don’t agree with these! So, they lie about where they have been or who they have been with, because it gives them a feeling of control. They also think they can get away with doing what they want without you even knowing.

If you discover that your teen has been lying or stealing, it’s important to respond in a calm and helpful way.

• Stay calm: Try not to react emotionally or take it personally
• Address it promptly: Let them know you’re aware of what’s happened as soon as possible
• Pause before discussing: Allow time for emotions to settle before having a deep conversation
• Explore the reasons: When things are calm, talk with your teen to understand what led to their behaviour and what might be their unmet needs
• Problem-solve together: Support them in finding healthier ways to handle the situation or underlying issue
• Be clear about boundaries: Explain why this behaviour is not acceptable, what the boundaries are and why it matters
• Set appropriate consequences: Follow through with fair and meaningful consequences that help reinforce them taking responsibility for their actions

Remember that your teen may be struggling or trying to cope with something, and they may need your guidance to move forward positively.

This page was reviewed by Jeremy Todd, Managing Director. This page was last reviewed on 26 June 2026.